


Unwanted Guests

by salamandererg



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Dialogue Heavy, Gen, Humor, Language, Misunderstandings, Short, Text Messages, like so short, marius is a dork
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 17:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14958635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamandererg/pseuds/salamandererg
Summary: Enjolras needs a temporary place to stay, but he's kind of a terror.  Marius is out to save his own skin.





	Unwanted Guests

“So, do you know of anyone?”

"Oh," Marius said suddenly as inspiration struck, even snapping his fingers and pointing, "You could ask Grantaire."

Enjolras took a second to think about that. On one hand, a place to stay, on the other, Grantaire. He just needed a bed and a desk, surely Grantaire had those—a futon or a coffee table would work just as well. At this point Enjolras would be happy with a blanket and relatively hard surface.

And Enjolras knew that Grantaire was rarely in his apartment, either going out drinking with Joly and Bossuet, or staying late at the studio to finish up a project or drink alone.

"Okay," Enjolras agreed, taking his phone out of his pocket, intending to text Grantaire and ask him, but was distracted by their order number being called.

"Would you like me to go ahead and text him?" Marius offered as Enjolras got up to pick up the food.

"Yeah," Enjolras handed his phone over after quickly unlocking it, "Thanks."

"No problem," Marius said cheerfully as he painstakingly typed five words into the little box.

\--

"Huh. He asked if it was a joke." Marius began typing without waiting for Enjolras to respond, pursing his lips in concentration.

[Can I sleep with you?]

[Is this a joke]

[No. There is a situation that requires your assistance.]

[Is the situation in ur pants lmao but no really]

[Please?]

[Fml sure]

"He said you could," Marius informed Enjolras with a large smile. “He said he would be happy to host you.”

Enjolras looked unconvinced.

[Thank you! I'll tell Enjolras you said yes!]

[WHO THE FUCK IS THIS  
COURFEYRAC I SWEAR TO GOD IF THATS YOU  
THEY WONT FIND THE BODY]

[Don't hurt Courfeyrac! It's Marius!  
Enjolras needs a place to stay over the weekend]—

"Why are you still typing? He already said yes," Enjolras asked.

Marius shook his head and shrugged, "Just working some things out. You know, details."

—[and he wanted me to ask you. That's all!]

\--

Marius' eyebrows shot into his hairline in panic when he saw Grantaire coming straight for him. Grantaire was an intimidating guy when he wasn't laughing red-faced and obnoxiously.

Marius tried to get out of his seat quickly, but banged his knee into the table which jolted him back down into the chair.

"Ow," He rubbed his knee pitifully, as he stared up at Grantaire.

"Good, now I don't have to hurt you myself," Grantaire said, leaning over him. “What the hell were you thinking? I was trapped in my apartment with Enjolras the whole weekend."

"I was thinking, happy birthday?"

"Cut the shit, Pontmercy. You pretended to be Enjolras—"

"I wasn't pretending to be him per se—"

"You 'pretended by omission' to be Enjolras and asked if you could sleep with me! What the fuck, I thought I was going crazy!"

Marius winced at Grantaire's tone.

"I was thinking," Marius began with a sigh, "If I asked you, then Enjolras wouldn't have to stay with me."

"So you took advantage of a weakness and exploited it?"

Marius spared a moment of pity for the phrasing, before acknowledging that that was what he did. It really was a rude and selfish thing, dumping one friend on another because Enjolras could be a tad difficult to share space with.

"I'm sorry, Grantaire, I know he can be a rotten houseguest,” Marius sighed. “Next time I'll take the hit."

"No," Grantaire replied quickly before pausing, clearing his throat, "I mean, no, he was fine."

This caught Marius by surprise, "Really? He was fine?"

"Yeah, he, we, it was fine. I learned some of his idiosyncrasies."

Marius leaned forward, "Did he try to reorganize your kitchen?"

"Yeah, it's much better now," Grantaire grudgingly admitted.

"And hijack your TV to watch soap operas that he makes you swear not to tell anybody about?"

"I watched them with him."

Marius made a face, "Did he forget he wasn't in his own apartment and walk out of the shower without a towel?"

"Is-Is that something that he does?" Grantaire's mouth fell open a bit.

"Yes, it's very disconcerting," Marius shook his head to clear his memories.

"Huh.”

“Not that he’s a bad looking person,” Marius continued.

“Yeah.”

“From a purely aesthetic, or, I suppose, artistic standpoint, he’s rather…beautiful. His full lips, and he’s very statuesque, the way his hair falls over his shoulder, and how bright and vivid his eyes become when he is speaking passionately. It’s no surprise why anyone would want him as a subject.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Just, you know,” Marius waved a hand in the air, “That’s not quite where my interests lie.”

“Sure.”

Marius smiled brightly at Grantaire, "Well, thanks for taking one for the team."

Grantaire still seemed a bit distracted as he answered, "No problem, and you know, if he ever needs a place to stay again, just, I mean, I'm up for it."

Marius nodded politely with a sweet smile, "I bet you are."

\--

Marius got out his phone and hurried to text Courfeyrac as soon as Grantaire had turned around. He was practically gleeful.

[Grantaire has agreed to host Enjolras every time he needs a place to stay!]

[How did you swing that?!]

[Told him Enjolras sometimes forgets to wear a towel when he gets out of the shower. I thought he’d value that.]

[You know I love you, right? Holy shit, you just killed two birds with one stone! No more Demented Houseguest Enjolras for all of us so we get to keep our sanity and Grantaire gets his chance to Hook Up with him!]

Marius frowned.

[Grantaire has a crush on Enjolras?]

[...yeah. It's visible from space Like I think NASA has pictures of it. it looks like a black hole, or a star exploding, or a dying sun]

[I didn't know that.]

[Then why the hell did you tell him about the shower thing?]

[I just thought he would appreciate it from an artistic pov! He's always drawing the club members.]

[Yeah, so you immediately offer a naked Enjolras...I see your jump in logic...?]

[Who wouldn't want to see Enjolras naked?]

[Are you mentally cheating on Cosette with Enjolras?]

[I would never!]

[They do look similar...]

[I am secure enough with my sexuality to say that Enjolras is a physically appealing man that I have no intention of sleeping with. Cosette is a beautiful woman who bears a passing physical resemblance to him, but on the whole is much more pleasant.

Not that Enjolras is unpleasant, his drive is admirable and ambition something to be admired. Although we are often at opposite sides of debates in meetings, I, of course, value his opinions and—

…]

Marius had a lot more to type, but Courfeyrac interrupted him.

[TL;DR see you at the Musain.]

\--

End


End file.
